Why You're Not Married

Sorry I have been away for a while, been travelling around the world for work.  I know, such a hard life I lead.

Anyway, in coming back and settling back into daily life for a short while before I jet off again, I see an article in The Guardian online as a rebuttal to an article written by one of the female writers of Mad Men.

The rebuttal comes in form of scathing criticism of a woman who believes it it a woman's fault she is single and unmarried when others are.  They say she is socially unaware of what will happen when other women read this article, that perhaps it was irresponsible to write such a thing.

This peaked my interest and I decide to go read her article, read here Why You're Not Married but Tracey McMillan.

Before I have even read it, I am prickly.  How dare she judge all single women like that?  We all have our reasons and experiences that leave us single.  And men aren't entirely blameless.

So I start to read.  And the first thing that is clear is that she is no advocate for relationships.  3 failed marriages in and she is no less scared of men than she was before.  She made the wrong decisions to fit in with societal pressures she says.  Which I can understand, many women as soon as they hit 30 are told to settle down, get married, have kids.  Got to think about that ticking body clock.  I tell them to suck it.  I am more aware of my own fucking body clock more than anyone, shut the hell up!

But the more I read, the more I kind of agree with some points she makes.  We are so worried about being happy and making the right decision for the rest of our lives, that we end up wasting valuable time in finding the right man.  We all know that love isn't what makes a marriage work.  Its a good start, a good foundation to build on.  But love doesn't cook the food, or wash the dishes or get the kids to bed at night.  Its probably why the divorce rate is so high at the moment, too many get married thinking that honeymoon will last forever.  But it doesn't.  It goes away and what is left is trust, respect, companionship.  Love is still there, but is encompassed on all these other things too.

I, by no means, am an expert.  Almost 32 and no man to speak of, but I know that 'He' doesn't come in a perfect package, and I don't expect that because I am not a 'perfect package' either.  Of course I want the dream love affair and wedding, but I know that is not all of it.  I want the person who will do all those practical things in life with me and not want to kill me in the process.

Fuck, I think this is what I call personal progress.